Gracelyn's 50 Favorite Seinfeld Quotes and When They Come to Mind

Gracelyn's 50 Favorite Seinfeld Quotes and When They Come to Mind

There are no words to convey how much I love Seinfeld nor are there enough adjectives to describe how magnificent the St. George Theatre is.

So when he performed there on December 6th, I was in heaven.

Seinfeld even donated all tickets sales to Hurricane Sandy Relief. No joke.
Bravo to St. George Theatre's co-founders, Doreen Cugno and Luanne Sorrentino, and to Brian Laline, the esteemed chairman of its incredible board of directors, of which I'm proud to be part.

At the height of Seinfeld's popularity, my dental school friends and I quoted him all the time. Still do. For a show about nothing, there was something for everything.

I jotted down my favorite Seinfeld quotes and when they come to mind throughout my everyday life. Please be forewarned that some items may be inappropriate for younger readers and others only die-hard fans will get. So here goes. Enjoy.

Gracelyn's 50 Favorite Seinfeld Quotes and When They Come to Mind:

1. When I'm in the ladies' room with no toilet paper... Can anyone spare a square?
2. When I see a bodacious woman walk by… They're real and they're spectacular!
3. When I see a handsome man walk by… Mimbo! And… I'm Keith Hernandez.
4. When I see men who may need some "support"... Manssiere. Or Bro.
5. When I was in a midtown Rite Aid last week, saw my discontinued hand lotion on sale and bought all 14 bottles… Are you sponge-worthy?
6. When someone takes credit for something I did... She may have HANDED you the big salad. But I actually PAID for the big salad.
7. When a soccer ball hits a player in the face and someone asks if there's a dentist around... Is anyone here a marine biologist? And... The sea was angry that day my friend. And... Is that a Titleist?
8. When I'm at a board meeting and can't hear what someone says across the table after having asked her to repeat 3 times and I finally just nod and smile… The low-talker and puffy shirt.
9. When I'm getting a manicure and look around at other customers… Man hands!
10. When I'm at a cocktail party and forget someone whose name I should know and start playing word association games to remember… Mulva... Delores!
11. When my daughter tells me someone is being mean to her at school… Mrs. Seinfeld: How can anyone not like you?
12. When I see a meticulously arranged mannequin in a store window... Stalker with Al Roker TV Guide: I prefer to call her Elaine.
13. When someone does or says something remotely inappropriate, I take comfort that it could be worse… He took it out. It. Out.
14. When a someone says to me, Ewww, I can't believe you stick your hands in people's mouths all day… Jerry's Girlfriend: I can't be with someone when I don't respect what they do. Jerry: But you're a cashier!
15. When one of my single girlfriends tells me about a bad date… You mean you're married AND poor?
16. When I am forced to wait anywhere... Newman to his post office co-workers: Go take your 3-hour break.
17. When I'm a party with a really great DJ… Elaine dancing (a full-body dry-heave set to music).
18. When any situation frustrates me… Jerry: I'm in a contest, I'm dating a virgin… something's gotta give!
19. When I help my kids study… Elaine helping her doctor-boyfriend study for the boards: What did you get for #74? Boyfriend: Metabolic acidosis. Elaine: No! Hypokalemia! DUH!
20. When my husband and I go to a restaurant and they can't find our reservation…. Anyone can TAKE a reservation but you have to HOLD the reservation.
21. When I'm editing photographs and notice a detail gone horribly awry… I'm not sure -- and correct me if I'm wrong -- but is that a nipple I see?
22. When a friend does me a favor and I buy him or her a drink in appreciation… banya: Soup is not a meal, Jerry!
23. When I glance at the magazines in my waiting room and notice a risque cover... Is this a dentist's office or Caligula?
24. When I coach my girls' basketball team and I disagree with the ref… You want a piece of me?!
25. When I suspect there is a get-together being planned and I'm not invited... Do you mean to tell me there's not one single condo left in all of Del Boca Vista?
26. When I get ready for hours for a party and my kids are underwhelmed... Elaine: Is it possible that I'm not as attractive as I think I am? Jerry: Anything is possible.
27. When my friend asks me to set him up… Elaine: Are you sure you want to get married? Jerry: It's 3 o'clock in the morning. I'm at a cock fight. What am I clinging to?
28. When I'm stuck at a party making small-talk with a droner/blatherer... George: I can sense the slightest human suffering. Jerry: Are you feeling anything right now?
29. When I take advice from someone and results are poor... Apu: You're a bad man, Jerry, a very very bad man.
30. When I catch one of my kids red-handed and she desperately blurts out an excuse… Uncle Leo: I'm old! I got confused!
31. When I see a face-painter at a Knicks or Jets game... El Diablo! And... He stole my move, except he ended with a swirl.
32. When my friend's recently-divorced mother re-entered the dating scene… You're not out there, ma. Because I'm out there. And if you're out there, there's not enough voltage in the universe to electroshock me back into coherence.
33. When I run into someone I don't particularly care for… Hello, Newman.
34. When my book club meets and I have to fake the discussion part because I haven't read the book… Elaine: It is a little known fact that Leo Tolstoy's original title for War and Peace is War, What is Good For?
35. When something almost unbelievable happens… One in a million shot, doc… One in a million.
36. When I have to clarify something in conversation so it is not taken the wrong way... Not that there's anything wrong with that.
37. When I start getting verbose, waiting for my patients to get numb, I suspect they're thinking... Yadda yadda yadda.
38. When my 12-year-old daughter mentions in all seriousness that she is the future Mrs. Harry Styles… Mrs. Elaine Benes Kennedy, Jr.
39. When it's 9 PM, the dinner dishes are still not cleared, all three kids have exams the next day and Michael and I start bickering… Serenity now!
40. When I was interviewing job applicants at work and a woman showed up with no resume, wearing jeans and chewing gum… And you want to be my latex salesman! (Art Vandelay, Architect.)
41. When someone I barely know shows me baby pictures and I'm just not in the mood to feign delight… Your baby is breathtaking!
42. When it's a hot, muggy day and I get a smelly noseful of someone... This is beyond B.O. This is B.B.O. (Sauce me!)
43. When I can't think of a snappy comeback... The jerk store called and they're out of you!
44. When I settle for anything less than I deserve... Jerry to Elaine: You got shushed when Desperado came on and you're still with him? I'll tell you who's desperado.
45. When my kids don't like what I've made for dinner... No soup for you!
46. When I buy my husband underwear… I like the feel of jockeys. My boys need a home.
47. When my kids bring home a good grade or good times at a swim meet… GET OUT!
48. When there's a sale at Barney's and someone grabs the last blouse in my size... Give me that marble rye, ya old bag!
49. When Michael and I meet friends for dinner in Manhattan, run late, and are forced to give up trying to find street parking... George: Parking garages are like h******. Why pay for it when you can get it for free if you apply yourself?
50. And for no reason at all except for the fact that it's the funniest word uttered on Seinfeld, ever: MOOPS.