Driving home from work earlier this week, one of my best friends, Jake, a Manhattan dentist in his 40's, texted me and announced he was in love. Again.
That text was followed within seconds by a photo of his new darling, looking fresh-faced and doe-eyed... and not a day over 24, tops. She looked barely out of college.
Jake mentioned in the next text after that, indeed, she was younger than his wristwatch, a college graduation gift from his parents... in 1985. Ack! Seriously?
Thrilled and gushing about how pretty and well-read and kind she is -- and all the good things a new love interest always seems to be -- he described her delightful sense of humor, how simpatico they are, and what an outstanding artist she is, well-respected in her art circles. Umm, Jake. She is 24. Is that even old enough for a semi-circle?
But Jake was in love and there's no
talking to someone in love. Just sit back, go to your happy place, and
hope for the blather to pass quickly.
Apparently, she's funny and articulate and makes his days more wonderful. Plus, he is dying for me to meet this remarkably perfect-in-every-way human being whose smile could light up a room from miles away.
He asked if Michael and I would be interested in double dating to see La Traviata with them at the Metropolitan Opera. Of course, I said yes but gently reminded him it might be past her bedtime. Come on... she's 24! He's old enough to be her father!
Apparently, she's funny and articulate and makes his days more wonderful. Plus, he is dying for me to meet this remarkably perfect-in-every-way human being whose smile could light up a room from miles away.
He asked if Michael and I would be interested in double dating to see La Traviata with them at the Metropolitan Opera. Of course, I said yes but gently reminded him it might be past her bedtime. Come on... she's 24! He's old enough to be her father!
It's the same old story with him and a handful of my guy friends in their 40's who are serial daters of 20-something's who steadfastly refuse romantic prospects of women their own age. I've never really understood why older men prefer to date younger women.
You would think that men in their 40's would prefer women not born after the Cabbage Patch Kids were. Aren't older, more accomplished women more interesting and have more to offer? Don't insightful conversations and rich life experiences count for anything anymore?
I guess they really don't in the competitive dating scene nowadays, where young, ample bosoms, firm everything and shiny hair usually abound, always trumping beautiful, mature women who are still in great shape but just not as "hot" as 20-somethings.
Dying for a glimpse into the mind of a man who will only date women barely born after the Cold War ended, I asked Jake why he dated only younger women. He laughed at me. What was so funny?
Of course, he said, the women he chose to date were uniquely interesting and beautiful in their own ways, regardless of their age, and that his attraction only to younger women was sheer coincidence (yeah, right).
Further, his choices are not at all about the bedroom (hard to believe, I know) and more about how he enjoyed the company of women less jaded. And women in their 20's are simply... umm... less jaded. Oh boy.
Jake explained that younger women still feel that the world is their oyster as they've not been bogged down yet with failed relationships and life's disappointments. They have hope. Did they made him feel hopeful, too? Was mid-life making him feel hopeless?
He said younger women are brimming with an enthusiasm for life that closely matches his. I reminded Jake that he never struck me, in the 20 years I've known him, to be the enthusiastic type nor will he ever be the picture of the life of a party in my mind, or anyone else's. But whatever.
Jake countered that that was precisely it. His lovely young paramours' vim and vigor are inspirational -- more so than their over-40 counterparts -- and that being around them made him happy. Happy... or young? Was he trying to recapture his fading youth? I wondered.
Dating 20-somethings gave him something to look forward to at the end of a long, hard day. Sure, eventually down the road he plans to settle down and have kids, but for now he was content with young women whose ring fingers aren't constantly itching for diamond and platinum jewelry and whose ever-ticking biological clocks -- the quintessential mood killer -- weren't as distracting.
He loved hitting the town with arm candy bombshells, wining and dining them to places they'd never been, being tour guide in the world of romance to lovestruck girls who have had less dating experience by sheer virtue of being on this earth almost half his time (my words, not his).
Plus, they were easy on the eyes. A-ha! So he admits he was after their looks!
Recently there was a study on a dating website that found that men in their 40's preferred to seek out dates with women who were 15-20 years younger than they were, whereas the women in their 40's were seeking men born in their decade or older.
Middle-aged women lamented not being able to turn the heads of men their own age, whereas middle-aged men only bemoaned not getting attention specifically from younger women. That is, their precious egos could only be stroked by younger women and younger women only.
Hmm. So I guess Jake dated younger women because older ones lacked intrinsic power to reassure him that he "still has it."
I told my my friend Jake that while a 20-something may not be as "jaded," she may still have issues that are specific to young women, like insecurities and an annoying, constant need for attention and reassurance.
Additionally, while she may not be on as much of a deadline as a woman in her 3o's or 40's for commitment because time is a-wasting to make little Jakey Juniors, I'm quite sure she is still concerned all the same about her biological clock on some level. All women who want to have children are, especially planners and Type-A's. They have a plan, I reminded him. We all have plans.
Finally, I reminded him that as wonderful a human being and friend he is, to just be careful in choosing younger women to date. After all, when we were in our 20's in dental school (in the 90's, when she was a toddler) he certainly was NOT able to score any dates with outrageously gorgeous women, the likes of whom he seems to be getting these days, and might I add, quite easily.
What has changed, Jake, what has changed?
