Friends or Non-Friends

Friends or Non-Friends

My first article for 2013. Happy New Year, folks!

It's a brand-new day and the proverbial slate is clean. Last year I saw life-changing sadness but unprecedented personal happiness, as well.  I was betrayed by friends I loved who I thought I'd have forever but in return I made wonderful new ones who I feel like I've known my entire life. 

As those affected by Hurricane Sandy and the Connecticut massacre continue to heal, I am actively choosing to focus on all the positives in my life this year, more so than usual. To that end I must cut some people off. Sad but true.

To whom am I referring? Simply put, I'm bidding farewell to non-friends. What?!

I have two very good friends.  One is a trial attorney, the other a digital content producer for CUNY, respectively. Both are brilliant, both are exceptional photographers.  We had dinner after a photowalk on December 21 and of course the Mayans were wrong so I am still here to share our most cathartic (for me, anyway) conversation.

Discussing our families, our work, and our art, we stumbled upon a conclusion that is so crystal-clear, so infinitely brilliant in its simplicity and wisdom I'm shocked not everyone, including myself, has universally realized and embraced it sooner.

Want to know what it is?  Get ready for it because here it comes: Every person you meet in life is either a friend or a non-friend. 

That's right, one or the other.  No fifty shades of grey in between. They are good for you or they are bad for you. They make you happy or they make you sad. They inspire you or they destroy you.They bring up or they bog you down. They are your friend or your non-friend.

Non-friends are negative and unpleasant with a bitter aftertaste. They have a knack for being sarcastic, and not in a witty way. They enjoy raining on your parade when you least expect it. They crash your party and whittle away your confidence.That's serious business. Cut them off!

Don't take this wrong way, but I'm afraid it's true: Not everyone will like you. Not everyone is kind. Not everyone will want you to be happy. Not everyone will enjoy your successes, no matter how big or small. Not everyone will have your best interest at heart. Non-friends.

Non-friends crush your spirit.  You know the feeling: the dread in your stomach when you know you have to deal with him or her, mostly because you know you invariably are going to feel worse afterward. Non-friends.

They pull you down because it is the only comfort they have in their lives perhaps lacking the people or things that would otherwise fulfill them.They insult you, feed your insecurities and fill you with self-doubt. Not nice. Non-friends.

That being said, you can hopefully see why letting non-friends go is a smart decision for 2013. For most of my life I was busy making excuses for them, trying to convince myself they were something they weren't. 

The older and wiser I get, the more I realize what a waste of time that was.  Rationalizing gobbles up a lot of energy, energy that should be spent on my family, my patients, my friends.

In 2013 consider purging the negative, judgmental non-friends. In doing so, you actually free yourself.  No longer will you be pre-occupied with the misery they have in store. No longer will you be emotionally oppressed. You are free to be you, unfettered... and happy.

In 2013 surround yourself with people who love and support you, the "friends." These include the family (obviously) and folks who make you feel good about yourself. 

Friends care for you unconditionally.   They cheer for you and are always there to pick you up when you fall. Their criticism is constructive. They are your biggest fans and are gifts from God. Cherish them.

Friends support and believe in everything you aspire to achieve.  They free your heart of negative energy, encourage your mind's creativity.These are the people with whom you should surround yourself. These are the people who deserve you.

Life is hard. Challenges are hurled continuously, sometimes unexpectedly, oftentimes with whopping force.To have people on your side to encourage you and help you is invaluable.

Here's a little thing I did one night that I think may be helpful in classifying who your most valuable friends are. When you read this paragraph, please do it. Ready?

Close your eyes and take ten deep, cleansing breaths. Clear your mind of whatever concerns or worries (most of it is nonsense, anyway) you may be harboring. 

Then think of the five best times in your life, moments you were so exquisitely happy that you wished those moments would never end.Think of the times when you were so content and filled with love that you momentarily were deeply grateful just to be alive and to have had the chance to experience it.

Now think of the people in those memories.These are your truest, most trusted friends.  

Love them. Reciprocate in kind above and beyond what they do for you.Love begets love and our world today can use some of it. And most importantly, your children will see and will also learn how to love and respect others.

In 2013 I am grateful to have people I love and who love me. That makes me the luckiest girl in the world.  After all, nothing else really matters.